matthew lee

This is going to be a multi-layered posting and will evolve between now and the close of the day. I should probably separate all of these because they’re things I’ve been thinking about them, but I will keep it to one post because I can:

I. (7:45am-ish (not amish))

I guess I’m pretty young myself, but I’m worried about the kids. I’m in the neighborhood yesterday, a bit before six at night and I’m gardening. I was planting pumpkins in fact and I remember being somewhere between the ages of four and ten and growing pumpkins with my grandfather. Along comes a young boy who asks, “Sir. Could I borrow that rake?” Politely, I reply, “Oh, well, I’m using it right now.” Sharply he replies in frustration, “Well I’m trying to kill my brother.”

He goes on to tell his friend how he wants to kill his brother who he described using a wide variety of words I sure didn’t know when I was eight.

Yay capitalism! You’ve inadvertantly turned six year olds into violently-minded individuals.

II. (8:46)

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III. (12:49)

Tattoo. We’ll see if I go through with it or not. I hope to, but that’s a significant change. The basic idea I have hammered out because I’ve thought of it for a while. It will start on the inside of my left foot/ankle and kind of wrap onto the top of my foot. It will say “the whole creation groans” and an olive branch will be sort of intertwined. I may get the reference nearby. If I did it would just be VIII.XXII, but I’m not sure of that idea. Michael is drawing it for me.

IV. (9:04)

Passages I like from Surprised by Hope: Rethinking Heaven, the Resurrection, and the Mission of the Church by Bishop Wright:

meh, later.

Later:

“Heaven, in the Bible, is not a future destiny but the other, hidden, dimension of our ordinary life –God’s dimension, if you like. God made heaven and earth; at last he will remake both and join them together.”

“Paradise is, rather, the blissful garden where God’s people rest prior to the resurrection. When Jesus declares that there are many dwelling places in his father’s house, the word for dwelling is mone, which denotes a temporary lodging.”

“I Corinthians… Paul is clearly articulating a theology of new creation … ‘He will transform out present humble bodies to be like his glorious body.’ Jesus will not declare that present physicality is redundant and can be scrapped. Nor will he simply improve it, perhaps by speeding up its evolutionary cycle … as Paul says in Ephesians 1:19-20–…[Jesus] will change the present body into one that corresponds in kind to his own as part of his work of bringing all things into subjection to himself.”

“Revelation 21-22 . . . This time the image is that of marriage. The New Jerusalem comes down out of heaven like a bride adorned for her husband . . . As in Phillipians 3, it is not we who go to heaven, it is heaven that comes to earth; indeed, it is the church itself, the heavenly Jerusalem, that comes down to earth. This is the ultimate rejection of all types of Gnosticism, of every worldview that sees the final goal as the separation of the world from God, of the physical from the spiritual, of earth from heaven.”

I thought that I was happy. And I was.

While driving to the University of Virginia two mornings ago I listened to Richie Havens sing “Freedom” live from the famous 1969 aquarian exposition at Yasgur’s farm in upstate New York. It is the song which first interested me in the festival, mostly because I think it is performed with such passion–(See video below). I found myself singing along with the windows down and probably tapping on the dashboard of my car. I started thinking about what I was singing and I questioned what it really was. This led me to an understanding that is probably incorrect, or at least a liberal interpretation, based on Havens’ prefacing statement which leads me to believe that it is a socio-political song. But, we’re postmodern, right? So, if I want to look at it theologically, I can. I’m sure Richie would say it’s groovy.

This isn’t to say that the lyrics are well-written –because they aren’t particularly. He repeats the word ‘freedom’ several times which leads Havens to say, “Sometimes, I feel like a motherless child . . . a long, way, from my home” and I think this is something all people feel at some point or another and perhaps this is a recognition of some form that we are humans and we experience a significant separation from the being who created us. I probably tend towards a more narrative-based, mythological understanding of my own Christianity and I understand why many would reject such notions, but even a fundamentalist/Southern Baptist/conservative/whoever would agree that we are in fact “a long way from … home”. Now, the nature of the home we might disagree upon, but we Christians anyway are looking toward Heaven. I’m not sure about the pearly gates or streets of gold –we’ll see about those; I do feel a long way from home though and while this earth and many things remind me that “I need my brother” and community with others on this good, lush earth –things that fill my life with pure, un-refracted joy which are undoubtedly representations of Christ (I am truly blessed)– I can’t help but take part in the collective desire to “get ourselves back to the garden.”

Taken from Nathan, a “Proustian” questionnaire (I may have altered a question)–

The principle aspect of my personality. I know that I need to be around others on a regular basis and I suppose not just any others, but specific others and I can’t be without them for long.

The quality that I desire in a man. A synthesis of the 20th century masculinity I’m most familiar with and something else that I haven’t been able to put my finger on –not femininity– but something less interested in capital and more interested in quality of life. It seems unfortunate the way much of the 20th century has turned out in that regard; fathers working their asses off so their sons can go to universities and die in wars. Maybe it’s just what I want out of myself and that’s why I haven’t figured it out.

The quality that I desire in a woman. The initial rejection of my articulation and analysis and all of the things that follow from that.

What I appreciate most about my friends. Their ability to take part in the principle aspect of my personality.

My main fault. Fickle motivation.

My favorite occupation. Being occupied with the body of Christ and the people I love and I suppose being a student.

My dream of happiness. I can tell you that it keeps me waking up and moving forward so that I might meet it. That’s all I know.

What would be my greatest misfortune? The lack of companionship.

What I should like to be. A good son, husband, father and teacher.

The country where I should like to live. Right where I am.

My favorite color. Deep, rich greens.

The flower that I like. Magnolias and lilies.

My favorite prose authors. Goethe, at the moment.

My favorite poets. Donne, Goethe, V. Miller and so on.

My heroes in fiction. Little Paul Dombey, though some would disagree about his hero-ship, and Daniel Deronda

My favorite heroines in fiction. Galadriel

My favorite composers. Brahms, Wagner, Pärt, Rimsky-Korsakov and we’ll say… Ravel.

My favorite painters. Monet and Botticelli

My heroes in real life. Grandfather, father and Tim

My heroines in real life. My grandmothers, mother, and K.S.P.

My favorite names. Hard to say. I’d rather not disembody them anyway.

What I hate most of all. Anxiety

Historical figures that I despise the most. Nathan’s answer: The ones who caused the greatest pain.

The military event that I admire most. -

The reform which I admire the most. -

The gift of nature that I would like to have. I don’t?

How I want to die. Whole.

My present state of mind. Anxious –probably the word that best defines me and might better serve as my greatest fault as well.

Faults for which I have the most indulgence. Some sort of impatience and frustration.

My motto. I hate mottos.

This is from the first time I’ve ever really danced. I believe the group’s name was Mischlang, but I can’t be sure about that. They played Eastern European/klezmer/Hasidic music.  A lady was there who taught folk-dance classes up in Charlottesville and she taught a traditional Romanian dance to a song the musicians played. I felt more human and more connected to the earth in some way –probably because most of us don’t find much use for our bodies these days except for sex, running on treadmills and …whatelse? And that can’t be any good.

People converge for many reasons in life, some situations less fortunate than others. One thing which historically brings different people and peoples together in good fortune is food. A person or community or family takes the food, perhaps from the market or store, though ideally from their own garden and prepares it. To pull food out of the ground that the individual has tilled brings about a sense of satisfaction and recognizes the fecundity of perseverance. That land is the land on which the person or people live and demonstrate humanity –good and bad. More time is invested in the preparation, the cooking, the seasoning, the basting. Preparation, a word related to parent(ing), is lengthy process, but in the end and along the way, worth the time involved. Through preparation we see like a speckle in the mica, the craft of the earth and the complexity of creation. Once the food is prepared, complete and ready, people with varying backgrounds, some of whom may not even get along sit down around a table or a fire and scoop from the same pot. Up from the earth and into the pot. From the pot and into the person. Is this not the most intimate form of human interaction and connection? “But what about human sexuality?” –Yes, this too is surely one of the most complex and fascinating of human connections and again, it too is an act of love through provision out of respect for the human creation and enjoyment of the Creation, perhaps even a form of worship. But is sex not limited? It is perhaps the closest bond between two individuals, but does and should not extend beyond those two people. These people are alike and woven together, but it has greater limitations than the enjoyment of eating. Eating includes all and yet not all must be alike. It respects the living by providing sustenance and warmth. Truly this is beautiful.

If I stand at the edge of the forest on a morning like today and I ask, “what great mystery will reveal itself?” I wander in disappointment away from the forest edge, hear the chilling call of some small bird in three descending notes and know that this is it, that the body of the land before me is this great mystery and that I shall never know it.